Wrapped in blankets, sitting on my couch and chatting over beers, me and Talia got to the topic of my ex-boyfriend- Josh. I haven’t really written much about Josh, mainly because we dated a little while ago.
Talia, who used to be good friends with Josh, said she had just bumped into him at shul last Friday. She said he was like a different person. He gained weight, stuttered in his speech, was less suave and all together seemed odd, and well… different. Weird even she said. “Josh!?!” I asked. He used to be so confident, so cute, so you know- great.
She reported to me however, that Josh is officially suffering from a not-so-rare disease that she often speaks about.
Let me explain.
Talia has this theory she calls the “Katamon Syndrome”. And as we bo
th sit huddled on my couch, chatting over beers, Talia decides to enlighten me on this popular theory, that she believes, many boys in Katamon suffer from. It goes a little like this:
You are a new Oleh, coming to Israel from any and all corner of the world and land yourself into this mainly Anglo speaking Katamon community-like-place. Here’s the thing, there aren’t that many guys around. You find yourself out numbered by girls. You are most likely thinking “Jackpot”.
Here is what the girls are thinking:
New boy + New dating opportunity = New potential husband.
Now, Talia believes that all these boys come here fairly normal (well not each and everyone… but ya… know) and they get here, and they become victims of this situation. Their dating opportunities rise in comparison from where they were, and they feel like a commodity. Of course, according to Talia, this feeling is a consequence of situation, not truth.
This feeling of many girls- not so many boys, gets into the boys heads. They get invited to more meals on Shabbat, they get invited to parties, where there are far less boys. They begin getting set up with girls quite often. In a nutshell: it’s getting to their heads. They go around calling themselves the ‘kings of katamon’, sitting on their stuffed up ego-ed throne. This is the Katamon Syndrome. Then what happens? Well a few different scenarios occur:
1. Bam! They meet an amazing girl and get married.
2. What happened to Josh.
What happened to Josh? He got weird. And kinda sad.
Coming to Katamon a fairly normal guy from Australia, he then dated too many girls, panicked from a nice case of commitmentphoebia, leaving him with no girlfriend. Fooled around with too many girls, providing him with a bad reputation. Now, no one wants to set him up with anyone. Talia says, this part of the syndrome turns him into an over-egoed boy who has fallen from his throne.
What is it about Katamon that the boys here catch such a syndrome?
First off, is there such a ratio difference of boys to girls that boys are overwhelmed with choices? I wrote in an older post “Of Zombies and Heroes” about how, as the women get older, they become more desperate to get married. And how the men, generally, feel less pressured than the women and therefore become cocky and get a chip on their shoulder. This would suggest, that it’s not necessarily about numbers, but rather about pressure.
So then, we are creating our own circumstances to give the boys the syndrome?
Well, not necessarily, in my mind at least. So many of the boys here suffer from commitment issues. (let’s be honest though- this is NOT unique to Katamon) If they could face those commitment issues, they probably wouldn’t date girl after girl. They probably wouldn’t break up with a girl because they “didn’t feel something” (that is inexplicable) and maybe give their relationships and feelings more time to develop. Maybe they’d be more honest with themselves about what they want and what they are looking for. Are they looking for a string of girlfriends and hookups or a serious relationship that leads to marriage.
If there is one thing I’ve learnt in my years of dating it’s that relationships and love take work. There is attraction and some kind of spark, but there is no magic involved in them. There’s no cupid that infects you with some crazy-love syndrome. You need to bring rationale, and work into the relationship to nurture growth, understanding and love.
So for many of these boys infected with the syndrome, all these fallen kings, maybe some of them are victims of their situation, and maybe some of them need to stop being boys, and start being men.
Talia gulps her last sip from her beer and laments over all those weird and odd boys that she can now count Josh as part of. It’s a pity, she sighs. Such a pity.
The Swamp: Dating in Katamon 